I Will Forgive

I can forgive
but this the pain I can't forget
Flashbacks pay visits
reminders of the night you left

I can forgive
but this hurt still trickles from deep
slips out of me
When I least expect it, it seeps

I can forgive
but the tears, down my cheek they crawl
dribbling rain
thoughts and memories of it all

I can forgive
but, I'm not sure I want to talk
This heart so crushed
I'm still learning how to walk

I can forgive
but the relationship seems dead
Sought for too long
Not caring, too much left unsaid 

I can forgive
but I'm ready to move ahead
I need freedom                      
It's been too long that this heart's bled

I can forgive
but, not sure what the future holds
I just want peace
Sick of digging up all the old 

I will forgive
but these scars I won't forget
I'll move forward
making sure this I won't regret 

I will forgive
because that's what God said to do
I will forgive
so I will be forgiven too 


Copyright © 2021 Aimee Phillippi


Cerulean Seclusion

It’s Majestic Marvel Monday! Since Mondays can often be one of the tougher days of the week and for many, it means back to the daily grind, what better way to put a smile on your face than to marvel at His majestic wonders! I absolutely love photography! It is both a creative outlet and passion that brings me joy. So, each Monday, I will post at least one photo of God’s majestic marvels I’ve captured. See and be in awe of His creations and beauty! And, as an added bonus, I get to share a little bit of Alaska with y’all.

Today’s photo, another taken on my favorite beach in Alaska, is called Cerulean Seclusion. I’ve been having some fun playing around with haiku lately, so here’s a little Monday haiku from me to you:

Warm rays kiss the skin
Cerulean waters lap
Snow-capped mountains-still

“Hear this, O Job; stop and consider the wondrous works of God. -Job 37:14

Copyright © 2021 Aimee Phillippi

Alive with the Moon

Alone in the night
Awake, bushy-tailed and bright

My mind won’t switch off
Ideas come, flooding my thoughts

Eyes don't want to close
Time, my body thinks it knows

But, it's all haywire
Revved up and ready to fire

The cycle goes round
continuing to be wound

Unable to sleep 
at the time others snooze deep

Running ahead at full speed
meanwhile, I wake up fatigued

It's backwards, you see
Can't go to sleep until 3

The rhythm it's whacked
It has got my days all jacked

I sleep until noon
but come alive with the moon

Copyright © 2021 Aimee Phillippi

*I wrote this poem last week when I couldn't sleep. Although, I haven't been officially diagnosed, I'm certain I've had a sleep disorder since I was a teenager, around the time I experienced the trauma of my dad leaving. My circadian rhythm has been off for as long as I can remember and no matter how hard I try to force myself to change my sleep patterns, it's a constant battle. I come alive with the moon and am dragging until early afternoon the following day.  

Still, I Press On

So burned out and weary
this life looking dreary
Still, I press on.

Energy, it's lacking
the fatigue attacking
Still, I press on.

To-do's piling up
while emptying my cup
Still, I press on.

Day-to-day so routine
the season, in between
Still, I press on.

With my head in the race
continuing to pace
Still, I press on.

Endless tasks, there's no end
adulting, not my friend
Still, I press on.

Thoughts of getting a break
hoping, but a mistake
Still, I press on.

As the night settles in
day coming to an end
Still, I press on.

Time to sit and unwind
Nope! more needs done, I find
Still, I press on.

Then tomorrow, it dawns
and I wake with a yawn
Still, I press on.

Arising with the Son
this marathon to run
Still, I press on.

Remembering the prize
towards Him, I turn my eyes
Still, I press on.

Copyright © 2021 Aimee Phillippi

*This poem was inspired by the following verse I read last night: I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:14

Tightrope of Trust

I'm walking a tightrope
between the way things are
and the way they should be

Or maybe they shouldn't be that way at all
and they just are what they are
Maybe that's what they need to be
for the time being

Toe steppin' through life
afraid to cross that line
and accept what I don't want to

"Just for now," I tell myself
is what this has to be
"Just for now"
Where I am, is temporary

Like all of life
that fades into the wind,
this too, shall pass

More days will come
Then suddenly,
I will find myself in a new place
farther ahead than I thought possible

At a snail's pace, I creep forward
I land, but not for long
because change--that's what's constant

Into the unknown,
I glide again
while waiting for answers
and growing in my faith

Learning to trust
that where I am on this journey
is exactly where He wants me

© 2021 Aimee Phillippi

Catching Those Tears

Grief, it comes and goes

like a gust of wind that blows

It will knock you down

then up again you rebound

Out to sea and back in waves

no longer counting the days

The pain and sorrow

it may not come tomorrow

but it will be back

The loss you feel will attack

Wounds opened will bleed

and Jesus’s strength you will need

to walk through the ache

survive another heartbreak

because scars that deep

your body doesn’t release

Left are the imprints

days of old trauma remnants

They’ll surface again

when that gale of wind blows in

Grief it comes and goes

but Jesus is in the throes

with you through it all

catching those tears as they fall

© 2021 Aimee Phillippi

Quiet My Soul, Lord

Fear, Fear, it’s everywhere

Slips in without me aware

The cycle is endless

The constant fear, chronic stress

The rival won’t stand down

Fired shots in this battleground

A tight grip on my heart

I can’t pry the grasp apart

My stomach’s all a knot

Just too many anxious thoughts

Round and round in my mind

Until I cannot unwind

The fear it keeps me stuck

Continued struggles to trust

You say “Don’t be afraid”

Please Father, come to my aid.

Lord, take it all from me

So in your hands it will be

Help me to rest in you

I need to sleep before two

Give me your peace and calm

Speak your Words of soothing balm

Quiet my soul, Lord, please

I’m begging you on my knees

You say your yoke is light

Show me a little more bright

Why am I so afraid?

In Your image I was made

Please take this dark gray cloud

Hanging over me too loud

Why can’t I just let go?

Surrender, so I can glow

Shower me from up above

Then I can shine Your sweet love

© 2021 Aimee Phillippi

*This was a poem I wrote in the middle of the night in November of last year, when I was struggling with fear and anxiety. It often comes in waves, but is diminishing the more I learn to trust Him in all areas of my life.

Illuminate Me, Lord

Here’s a not so pretty poem I wrote about chronic illness in July of this year. I was really struggling, y’all. Having persistent Lyme disease, I don’t always know what each day will bring. It’s the nature of this beast. Thankfully, the past few months have been significantly better than the day I wrote this. This last summer, I was hanging by a thread of hope.

Waves of hope ebb and flow
as thoughts of death come and go

Held hostage to weakness
Pushing to merely exist

Fatigue the enemy 
Sucking life from this body

Beaten-slammed to the ground
No energy to rebound

A system waging war
No fight left here anymore

Pain shoved so far deep down
No longer can I be found

This illness has battered
My life long gone and shattered

Broken pieces of me
Shards of who I used to be

Nothing left but a shell
from days lived in brutal hell

Black as dark as the night
Alone, in bed, out of sight

Too frail to stop these thoughts
Into the abyss I drop

Undertows drowning me
A hope-filled heart now empty

Illuminate me, Lord
Fill me with Truth from your Sword
Copyright © 2020 Aimee Phillippi