Tag: environmental illness

Refugee definition

Forced to Flee: Life as Environmental Refugees

On By PhillippiIn Chronic Illness, Lyme, and Mold5 Comments

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah‬ ‭40‬:‭29‬-‭31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Last week, my husband and I streamed the movie, The Swimmers on Netflix, about two young female swimmers who flee violence in Syria, we couldn’t help but liken our situation to theirs. While we are not experiencing physical violence in our country, our bodies are being assaulted by toxins in our environment, making us very ill. My husband commented that we aren’t much different than the refugees in the movie. And it’s true. We are environmental refugees, as someone recently put it. Finding a safe place for us to settle has been extremely difficult. We’ve been navigating our way through unsafe and unhealthy territory in several states for the past five years, and I’m tired.

Like the long, arduous trek refugees must make, we too, have had an arduous journey. And, if I’m being honest, last week, I had one of those days where I wanted to give up. I woke up feeling like “death”. It’s the only way I can describe it. Waking up feeling terrible is not uncommon for me, my husband, and our youngest daughter. That particular day, though, was especially trying. My strength to endure was tapped. My body felt like it was encased in cement. The fatigue was unbearable and I was in tears. I didn’t have the fight in me. My Father did, though.

It’s those times where I send this prayer up to God, “I need you to fight for me. I’ve got nothing left.” And I trust He will give me the strength to take the next step. He always does. This is where I’m learning to walk in His strength.

As for the day, it got better. Slowly my energy increased, and my best childhood friend blessed me with some encouraging words that uplifted me. She reminded me how much I’m needed and cared for. And a decision was made, even though we have yet to come up with a promising place.

Although our living situation is what it is for the time being and we have yet another unknown move ahead of us very soon, I know God is always right here with us in the muck of it all. As for what lies ahead, we don’t know, other than we are on the search once again for cleaner air that we can better tolerate. In the meantime, I will work on remaining present, in His presence, and not stressing about the future. And when I need God’s help, I will ask for it, trusting that He’s got us. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

After I finished writing this, I opened this news article confirming what we already knew. How timely, I thought. It’s unfortunate our world has become a toxic soup that some can’t afford to live in. We pay a costly price with our health, yet still find it extremely challenging to gain relief.

https://apple.news/A-WreiXM2S665AU8qp3WouA

The Lord is my strength and my might, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him. -Exodus‬ ‭15‬:‭2‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

Whirlwind Desert Walk

On By PhillippiIn Chronic Illness, Lyme, and Mold, Faith and Trusting God, Surrender and Acceptance7 Comments

It’s been a whirlwind of a past few days—er or years. I haven’t written much about about our family recently, but to be honest, we are still walking in the wilderness. We left Alaska a few months ago, after struggling with Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome/Environmental Illness.

Our youngest and I were especially ill, but all four of us were definitely not well-so much so, we thought death was knocking on our door if we didn’t get out before winter hit.

This wasn’t new to us. As mentioned in previous posts, we left a home with toxic mold in 2018 after it made us extremely sick. It’s been five years since we left that nightmare, yet that was really only the beginning. We are still being affected, having become hypersensitive to not only mold, but other environmental toxins that plague cities and small towns alike. Finding clothing, bedding, and household items that we can tolerate without too many chemicals is a whole other challenge in and of itself that we deal with constantly. It has been very difficult to tolerate conventional housing and we’ve had to move more times than I can count in the past five years, trying to find air that we can stand to breath and housing livable enough for us. Our world has become so toxic, most aren’t even aware of the number of chemicals and toxins we are taking in at one time, and how it’s affecting our health. For us and our doctors though, it has become obvious.

For the past few months, we have been going downhill health-wise, but the kicker was on Friday. On that day, our youngest and I were so ill at our cabin in Utah. We watched the air quality climb to the unhealthy number of 150. It was our bodies though, taking in those toxins, that were the first to notice. And boy, did they take notice of that poison.

This poison settles in the valleys of Utah, holding the pollution down and appearing like L.A. on a bad day. Apparently, these inversions are common in the winter in Utah, something we weren’t aware of when we felt God leading us there to heal. We still aren’t sure when that healing will come.

It’s now Monday evening, and I sit here writing from a hotel room in Idaho, three hours from our other temporary dwelling that we “have” until May. Our youngest and my husband appear to have possibly just come down with the flu and I do not know what tomorrow will bring. To say we have answers for why we are in this situation or place, is an understatement. Maybe it is just not for us to know. We have no idea why we were brought to Utah or why we are still unwell.

I liken our situation a teensy bit to a refugee fleeing a war, only we are fleeing a war on our bodies, and a civilization that is literally poisoning itself. This week, it’s Idaho. We’ve been here for four days and we are heading back to Utah soon, the place where we have not been feeling “well”. Our next move? We have no clue. What I do know is that I’m fearful of us going back to that cabin and feeling awful again, however, I am going to continue to walk in faith and pray for health and healing for our bodies, as well as our next steps. I will continue to work to build the Kingdom of God, and I will be grateful for the extra funds we received from our taxes just in time to use for some relief in a hotel for a few days. I will continue to do my best to walk in love even when life is chaotic and stressful. And I will continue to stand on the scriptures below.

Will you join me in praying for health, healing, finances to be able to afford this desert walk, and housing and clean air our family can thrive in please? Thank you for lifting us up!

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. -2 Corinthians 4:16 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
‭‭-Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. -Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭12‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

Hanging onto Letting Go

On By PhillippiIn Chronic Illness, Lyme, and Mold, Faith and Trusting God, Hope and Strength, Surrender and Acceptance5 Comments

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” -Matthew 6:19-21

I’ve felt the tug on my heart to write a longer post for awhile now, yet I’ve been stuck. And since our lives have been massively turned upside down once again, I need a place to not only process what we are going through, but maybe help another while doing so.

Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without “stuff”? It’s pretty difficult to imagine not owning much of anything, until you are truly without it. Most people have an attachment of some kind to at least one thing they own. Can you picture losing nearly everything you have collected over the years to a fire? Or having to flee a war? So it has been, walking this journey with environmental illness. We have been fleeing our own war. And the casualties have been not only our health, but our belongings and home, for a second time.

Our family has been very sick, each member with varying symptoms, but our youngest has suffered the most, lately. After having taken her to just about every specialist known to mankind, visited the emergency room numerous times, had scans, X-rays, MRIs, blood tests and allergy tests done, we realized the environment we were living in was making us ill. We had to leave our home in Alaska in search of cleaner air and a healthier living environment. So, we are on the hunt. It may seem most ridiculous to the average person-chasing clean air, but for us and many others out there suffering from CIRS (Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome, aka Mold Biotoxin Illness) and environmental illness, it’s all too real. Not everyone can tolerate what our toxic planet has become.

And that brings me back to the loss. Because of where we resided and the treacherous weather on the way, the direness of our family’s health, along with other trials that ensued at the last minute, we had to walk away from everything we owned except a small carload. The loss didn’t really hit me until the last couple of days as we sat in our hotel room-days where I’ve tried to remind myself that when we die, we take nothing with us. For our treasures are stored up in heaven. And so that is how I’m trying to approach and deal with these losses, the second time around.

As I question where we will land, I can choose to stress and worry, or make the decision to trust that God will care for all of our needs. And as a brother in Christ reminded me in his blog, I can look at these fiery trials despairingly or as opportunities and lessons God is using to strengthen my faith by teaching us to rely on him more fully. This made me think of a line in Jeremy Camp’s song, “Out of My Hands”, that says “Knowing I can trust You is a treasure.” He is my treasure-not a house, not material possessions, not “stuff”. My treasure is not of this world, because I’m not of this world. The Lord is where my heart will be.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. -Isaiah 43:2

**For those of you interested in learning more about Mold Biotoxin Illness/CIRS, I highly recommend the Moldy documentary suggested by our functional medicine doctor. It can be watched for free below. It will open your eyes to a whole new world of chronic illness and suffering. Some of you may finally begin to understand the real cause of your unexplained health issues.

https://moldymovie.com/